The older I get, the more I realize that I can have what I want. It may take discipline. It will definitely take personal investment. But with faith, determination and confidence, I can have it. So much power sits with me and my choices. I can choose to see the glass half full or half empty. My perception is key - especially when it comes to how I see me and what I believe I deserve.
Nevermind what anyone else thinks, it’s super imperative that I have confidence in me. I have found that can I be my biggest cheerleader or my biggest discounter at times. Even more, it seems that whatever I believe about me, I’m inclined to assume the world even more my husband, believes the same. If I believe I am l strong, I believe others (inc him) sees me that way. If I believe I am beautiful, I believe others (inc him) sees me that way. The same is true for the converse. If I see myself weak or ugly - I assume others (inc him) sees me that way. Sucks but it’s true. We create our world and our lives with our thoughts. So we have to keep them healthy towards us as best we can.
Hanging off our thoughts of ourselves is what we believe we deserve or can have. When we feel good about ourselves, nothing can stop us - we’re all the way up (in my DJ Khaled voice). We believe the world is our oyster and we deserve it all. But when we feel down about ourselves, we’re all the way low and feel like we deserve nothing. Just knowing I can have what I want is not enough, I have to believe I deserve it as well. This is not a matter of being self indulgent but rather a matter of feeling worthy.
There are soooo many outside influences that play with our emotions. They toy with us and sometimes force us to question who we are and what we bring to the table. And when I feel ashamed or unworthy I tend to lose ambition and confidence which halts my desire to pursuit anything. It’s so weird. Almost like I’m punishing myself for feeling down. My words become defeating instead of confident and I become super critical of everything about me. I’m too dark skinned, too fat, feet too big, hair too short, clothes too normal, talk too country, and on & on. Critical as the day is long. And as it spirals, it becomes they don’t like me, he doesn’t love me, they’ll never listen to me, and on & on. I feel less deserving of what I want. There it is - stinking thinking has risen again. This war is an internal battle on the field of my mind and normally no one even knows its raging. To them I’m ok. But secretly I’ve been beating myself up all day long.
Eventually, I’ll make a self defeating remark of some sort. Thankfully Chuck is great about arresting stinking thinking. But it’s likely that I have a whole army of flawed thoughts racing in my head right in accordance with the one he heard me utter. He’ll hear me say something out of sorts & low and quickly he’ll reply, “Pls stop talking about my wife.” It’s gotten to be kinda cute (not really). But whenever I say something demeaning about myself, he’ll chime in right on cue with this one liner. It’s become a signal of sorts to me to check my thoughts bc they showing up as demeaning words. It’s a reminder that I’m not seeing myself in a loving way and if that stinking thinking goes unchecked, I will begin to deflate my esteem which leads me ultimately sabotaging what I want and truly deserve.
For me, the beginning of having anything I want is my thoughts. “As you see yourself, you will be.” I have to work at staying in a healthy place with my thoughts. It’s not easy bc this society is all about comparisons. I am intentional about reminding myself of who I am and what God says about me daily. Doing this sets the stage for me do, be and achieve. Because I have decided to thrive as a wife, I remind myself daily of this goal as well and center my thoughts to do so. I affirm my desire and my objectives to thrive as Chuck’s wife, feeding myself with reassurances that align with that goal. How’s your thought life when it comes to you? What can you do to better position yourself get what you want?
Here at First Wives Club, we are for you & your marriage. Our goal is to support you as a wife. We recognize being a wife is likely one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but we believe you can win. You’re in the right position to do so. #firstwivesclub #FWClive
Author: Denise Taylor
I’m on a mission to help professional women thrive. Hear me loud & clear... Don’t Settle. You can have it all. I live a blessed life & you can too.