FRAGILE... HANDLE WITH CARE.

Not sure if you know it but your marriage has a care instruction label and it says “Handle with care.” As you prepare yourself to be amongst family & friends this holiday season, consider this.

In moments when we are hurt, we may have made the innocent mistake of sharing our RAW pain with those closet to us. We thought we were just venting, getting it off our chest to a trusted confidant that loves us and always has been a listening ear for us. We called, upset - maybe even crying and we immediately spewed out all the details of what he did, how we feel, why it’s wrong, and how we’re mad. And it’s likely that we didn’t limit our fury to what he did in that particular instance but we erupted and added in ALL the other stuff that we thought we previously overlooked. Heck, since we’re making a case against him, we threw all his ill actions into the mix. We erupt & it all comes flowing out to them like steamy, hot lava. And depending on the situation, your rage, how bad it is, how mad you are, how hurt you are, how much you need to vent thru - you might take it upon yourself to call MORE of your close confidants to rally your corner of support & co-signers. We love to posse up strong.

Honestly, it’s not necessarily a bad thing to get things off your chest. Doing so likely clears a path so you could be free to regroup and move on. You begin to feel better at some point. Then you & your husband work through it. Y’all determine a way to reconnect. Your confidence in the relationship is restored. Your smile returns. Things are descent and your pain heals with time. Meanwhile your crew, the ones you rallied to your corner are left sorting through your steamy, hot lava, forming their opinions, perspectives & attitudes based on what you spewed. Chances are they are not favorable for your man. We typically fail to call the posse back and let them know “we’re good” or what terms & standards y’all introduced to address your steamy concerns or that you choose to forgive.

Time passes on and now... it’s Thanksgiving and you’re excited bc everyone you love - your confidants & your family are gathering for the joyous occasion. While you’re happy-go-lucky, there seems to be a rift in the air. Things are a little tense. Your husband senses it but is not certain what it is. Hugs are half, conversation is limited and looks are shady. See, he is completely unaware of your little eruptions that have been taking places. He has no idea the depth or even breadth you’ve shared with your confidants, who are all there. He has no clue of what all you mixed into your spewing hot lava and if you’re honest - you may not remember all the points you made when you were flying hot & building your case against him. Everybody trying to hold hands and bless the food and all this mess is in the mix. Let’s hope it ends there and nobody says something out of sorts. Geez.

So I started with “Handle with care”, which takes on many hues, but in this context, you must protect your marriage & husband’s reputation as best you can. Now this doesn’t mean be blind to the truth nor does it mean struggle alone. What it does mean is everyone cannot be privy to the details of your troubles. I’ve learned that our family and our friends will likely ALWAYS see it our way and take our side. Hands down. And while you move on after the calls you made, they are likely stuck right where the steamy, hot lava spilt. They are now experiencing sympathy hurt on your behalf or even worse they are pissed and it’s all coming from a good place. They love you & want the best for you and all they know is he hurt you. In this case, we didn’t handle our marriage with care and we have ultimately compromised our husband. We gotta own that. And if you think it was difficult for you to get over what he did, it’s extremely difficult for your posse to get over it bc they don’t get to experience firsthand his loving attempts to restore your smile and confidence daily.

Trust me, I know we need an outlet. SomeONE that we can share openly with. But they have to be mature enough to hear you, help you process, challenge your thinking and be committed to your marriage, too. This person must be able to support you without dimming their view of your husband. They have to know that situation can be forgiven and urge you that way. Chances are this is not, cannot be, should not be very many folks in that Thanksgiving prayer circle. Truth is, it’s difficult for mothers to play this role bc they can be blindly committed to you. You need wise experience in moments of eruption so be very discerning who you tap into when you are vulnerable in this way. Handle your marriage with care by seeking wise counsel. Keep your husband safe. Tip: if you’ve messed up on this front, make some calls to clear the air before your husband arrives tomorrow. Have a great Thanksgiving 🦃

​Here at First Wives Club, we are for you & your marriage. Our goal is to support you as a wife. We recognize being a wife is likely one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but we believe you can win. You’re in the right position to do so. #firstwivesclub #FWClive