I hate it when stuff hits me square between the eyes. Tags me like “Gotcha”. You know when you hear something that makes you check yourself & you begin to realize that you haven’t been fair, or willing to compromise or even open to seeing things from your husband’s perspective. Well, what tends to follow any of my fixed opinions is my immediate thought that I’m right and things should go my way. Cause we all know my way is the best way by far. Lol. Strangest thing is - I can really be open and patient with others - ok most 😝, but when it comes to Chuck I tend to be way too quick to dismiss or even disregard his thoughts, feelings and perspectives. Almost like “Yea, yea whatever.” And while I’ve matured from making unnecessary scenes as to not be completely blatant in action or deed - my thoughts are still low key dismissive. Lord, help my thoughts. You & I both know that while I attempt to keep my thinking to myself, my face likely tells it all. And if my face doesn’t give it all away, my deep disapproving *sigh* certainly does.
So you ask what did I see that made me go “Dang Denise.” Well, I saw a comment that we (wives) tend to think we are always right but 4+5 = 9 just like 7+2=9 does. Boom! In my face as I chuckle & smh. So if 9 is the goal, the truth is there are many ways to get to 9. And while I may think the 4+5 route is the absolute best, Chuck may think 7+2 is just as well.
Sometimes I get stuck on not only seeing things my way but also stuck on getting my way. At times, I find it difficult to even consider differing opinions. I may even go as far as “acting” like I am listening to his reasoning but the whole time I’m thinking to myself “4+5 Buddy!” I am learning that I need to be more open to his perspectives and opinions but my independence dies a slow death. I must intentionally value his opinions and thoughts. I must be willing to embrace his perspective bc I love him.
I found this to be hard especially after times he may have blown it... you gave him a chance and for whatever reason it doesn’t work out. We (as wives) drive a real hard bargain once he’s missed the mark. It’s unfortunate bc it’s more likely in those times our sensitivity could be more effective. The reality is it’s likely that his ego is bruised already and he needs us to build him up more than be critical. We should avoid adding insult to his injury or salt to his wounds. Just not wise to do but we do it. Our goal should be him. It should be us. We need him safe - especially with us. Now I am not advocating that we be foolish but rather sensitive. And even more I am advocating that we be sensitive with standards and guardrails focused on protecting the unity and sanctity of your relationship.
It’s important to remember that we two together are a team. You know what you call a basketball player that won’t pass the ball ... a ball hog. And in life, we call them a “know it all” and that’s not what we want to be in our marriage. Instead we should be inclusive and supportive with our husband. And even if your way is more efficient or perhaps even better overall - it’s ok to let 7+2=9 be the way especially if 9 is the ultimate goal.
Here at First Wives Club, we are for you & your marriage. Our goal is to support you as a wife. We recognize being a wife is likely one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but we believe you can win. You’re in the right position to do so. #firstwivesclub #FWClive
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Author: Denise Taylor
I’m on a mission to help professional women thrive. Hear me loud & clear... Don’t Settle. You can have it all. I live a blessed life & you can too.