It just gets like that sometimes. I desire him. Want him. And I need him to bring it! I know we walk around with our sophisticated looks, cute outfits and designer bags but every again & again I’m looking for him to deliver love, hot passion and make me feel like a woman. Grown folk talk. But it’s reality if we’re honest.
When I was young my grandmother would tell me like it was. She said to my sweet innocent ears, “Just wait until you experienced an orgasm.“ And she went on & on about how wonderful I’d feel. I was so young and had no clue what the heck she was even talking about. But let’s just say things have changed! I’m good & grown now, married and thoroughly enjoy intimacy with my husband. I’ve embraced my grown & sexy and know for myself just what Grandma was talking. And I understand even more what TLC meant when they sang “Ain’t too proud to beg!”
“When I need 2 feel love
Why wait 4 so long
Cause I ain't 2 proud 2 beg
4 something that I call my own
And I want 2 be touched
And feeling so much see cause
Everybody needs some good lovin'”
Key lyric: “Cause I ain't 2 proud 2 beg 4 something that I call my own”
Yes! He belongs to me. Everything about your husband is yours from his head to his toes. It all rightly belongs to you since you two said I do! So, my dear sisters his body - all of his body is yours so... Own it! Explore it! Enjoy it! Caress it! Taste it! Hold it! Feel it! See it! Go all out and do as you please. All of him is your playground to hunt for treasures & pleasure. And trust me, he won’t mind one bit.
Now I know this may be a struggle for some for different reasons but If you are holding back, ask yourself why? What is standing in the way from allowing yourself to let your guard down? He is your husband. He is your lover. He is your life partner. You can freely live & love him intimately for life. Think about how much care & attention was given to specifically designed our bodies to interlock the way they do. You are design to receive his love physically on the inside of you. To take in his love in a way that ignites all your senses. It’s amazing that God took so much attentive care to consider so many details for our pleasure. And every time you push his hand away to turn away his advances or squash your desire to advance on your own, you are denying yourself something that God designed, intended & planned for you to fully enjoy.
Intimacy is a vital, beautiful, necessary expression of our love to one another that should be embraced boldly. Perhaps the struggle is you actually getting turned on. By releasing the brakes and doing things that turn us on, we can support our desire to arise. Here are some tips to help you get turned on.
1. Feel the pleasure of sensual, loving touch. Sensual, loving touch helps your body release oxytocin, a hormone that helps you feel loving and connected to your partner. It also plays a vital role in women’s lubrication.
Loving touch, such as stroking, cuddling, a sensual massage and even kissing, all help to produce oxytocin, which in turn, helps you feel turned on. Sensual, loving touch also awakens your body and your senses leading to greater pleasure during sex and potentially heightened orgasms too.
2. Get out of your head + into your body. Often, being in our heads rather than our body gets in the way of us feeling turned. There are two reasons for this.
– When we’re caught up in our minds, it’s difficult to feel anything in our body, particularly turned on.
– Much of our thinking is also driven by fear. Our body isn’t programmed to allow both stress and sexual modes at the same time.
Drop out of your head and into your body to allow sexual energy to arise. Breathe deeply all the way into your belly and as you breathe out, feel your energy drop downwards. You’ll notice that just by giving your body your attention, it begins to soften and the breath begins to deepen. Focus on the feelings in your body, whatever they may be. Don’t think about ‘stopping your thinking’. Your mind will wander but just bring focus back to feeling your body and breath when that starts to happen.
3. Get your pelvic floor muscles working for you. We often hear about the importance of strengthening the pelvic floor muscles for overall sexual health. Strong pelvic floor muscles help us orgasm more easily and allow us to have longer, more powerful orgasms.
Contracting and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles can also help to quickly turn you on by bringing blood, oxygen and energy to your vagina. Make the muscles around your vagina tight, as if you’re stopping yourself peeing, then relax them again. Gradually build up speed until you have a pulsing sensation. By doing this simple squeeze and relax exercise, you’re mimicking your response during sex, which ignites your turn on. It’s a little bit of fake it til you make it!
4. Get energy flowing through sexy sound. Sound is energy. So, by making sound, you’re inviting more sexual energy to move through you. Whether loud or quiet, just experiment making sounds in whatever way feels comfortable for you. We’re also biologically programmed to be turned on by the sounds of sex, so hearing your own sounds creates a positive feedback loop of turn on.
5. Engage the power of your mind + imagination. Don’t underestimate the power of mindset or your imagination. Our minds are so powerful that some women can bring themselves to orgasm through thought alone. You can use your imagination to think up sexual fantasies or feel good moments. Casting your mind back over memories of really steamy, sexy encounters can also help you to get in the mood.
Now back to my TLC lyrics...
“Screamin' loud and holdin' sheets
Scared that you'll be called a freak
Gotta let it go while you can
Ain't 2 proud 2 beg you see
Cause my man belongs 2 me
And I know that he understands”
Trust me. He understand and he is ever so fine with you desiring him. Be free to love. It’s a part of the marriage benefits package.
Here at First Wives Club, we are for you & your marriage. Our goal is to support you as a wife. We recognize being a wife is likely one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but we believe you can thrive. You’re in the right position to do so. #firstwivesclub #FWClive
Author: Denise Taylor
I’m on a mission to help professional women thrive. Hear me loud & clear... Don’t Settle. You can have it all. I live a blessed life & you can too.