LEAN IN A LITTLE

It's true. Sometime we put our guard up. We become tentative, suspicious, inpatient, and even offended when its seems PEOPLE may be encroaching on us. What's their angle? What do they want? Why are they being so kind? Or paying me any attention at all? Our experiences - good and bad, wholesome and traumatic makes us sensitive. We become territorial of the greatest asset we have and that ourselves. We are territorial with our space, our time, our interest, our affection, and our money. Rightfully so, we must protect ourselves. We must have our own back. An if we have had to face or endure any traumatic situations or circumstances we operate from a place of pain and hurt., making us on guard ALL OF THE TIME.

I agree PEOPLE can have a tendency to bring out the worst in us. PEOPLE can get under our skin and make us show the wrong sides of ourselves. PEOPLE can rub us the wrong way. But new alert to you and me... Our husband is NOT PEOPLE. He is YOU. While we are quick to dismiss, judge and even hold a grudge with PEOPLE, we always seems to find the grace to excuse, overlook, reason and forgive ourselves. We make room for our shortcoming with ourselves. Some struggle to forgive themselves but most of us can immediately make a case for why "We are Good." Now this is fair, right, and healthy. I will always look out for me, honor myself and see the best in myself. But to that, again, I say your husband is not PEOPLE - He is YOU. Y'all are ONE.

This morning I reflecting on some recent things I listened to and boy oh boy are we quick to dismiss, discount, and disconnect. There is not room for compassion, empathy, patience, or even love. News alert... like my "tell it like it is" Grandma used to say, "Your sh*t stinks, too." Relationships require a lot and marriages demands even more. Marriage is a lifetime commitment to sacrifice. PERIOD. We have to remember that LOVE is the currency of marriage and love is not for the faint at heart.

Then a song came on the radio and I was like that's it. Now don't get it twisted, my rest in God. He is the head of my life (as the good ol' saints say when its testimony time). Nothing above Him. But the next in line is not me - its US! Me & my husband - bc we is ONE, growing in our oneness daily. This means my husband is high on my list - just as high as me. So to dis' him just ain't happening bc dissing him is dissing me. Now you don't catch me dissing myself often which means me dissing him is talking about myself. I guess that's why every time Chuck hears me being critical of myself, he pipes right in with, "Stop talking about my wife." Selah.

Back to the song. I reverence God deeply and I am deliberate about making room for Him. So, we're set on that. But imagine if the song "Make Room" by Jonathan McReynolds was one WE sang with our husband in mind instead.

"I find space for what I treasure
I make time for what I want
I choose my priorities and
Husband you're my number one
So I will make room for you
I will prepare for two
So you don't feel that you
Can't live here, please live in me"

We have to get passed treating our husband like he is PEOPLE. He is way above that. In fact, he is just as high as you - bc you're ONE. You & your husband make a whole. So when it comes to him, choose to lead with compassion, empathy, patience and love - just like you would for yourself.

Here at First Wives Club, we are for you & your marriage. Our goal is to support you as a wife. We recognize being a wife is likely one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but we believe you can thrive. You’re in the right position to do so.