LOVE BANK

I once told Chuck seeing him sweep the floor was orgasmic to me! While I was being silly I was hinting at how his helping out was really making deposits into my love bank to his account. I’ve found that when I’m consumed with day to day life and keeping home life good, I get weary, tired and sometimes irritable. What I needed him to understand is things like lending a hand went a long way with me and made a world of difference when he was later looking to make an intimate withdraw from my love bank.
Intimacy is so dynamic and a whole lot of factors come into play. How you feel, what happened, what needs to be done, if you’re tired, has it been fulfilling, is it hot (both temperature wise & passion), what you have to do, is foreplay to your liking, is conversation sensual, on & on. Lots of factors and I didn’t even mention kids, exes, parents, all of them.
Intimacy is necessary and it springs off your desire, choice and intentional action. It’s important to pay attention to how you and your husband are relating to one another in and out of the bedroom. If your marriage is solid and it’s just your intimate life that’s lacking, here are some tips to help you keep intimacy and lovemaking thriving in your relationship.
Identify needs. Identify what makes you feel like making love. Unlike men who may be more easily aroused, women’s desire is a more gradual process. In general, women’s desire starts with some type of connection to their own sexuality or to their husband. Most women often need to be relaxed, not worried about their to-do list, and feeling a connection to their husband in order to set the stage for sexual intimacy.
To get in the mood, think about what makes you feel relaxed and sensual. Maybe it’s kissing or touching or talking intimately with your husband. It could be a glass of wine, a nice dinner or laughing together. Once you’ve pinpointed what makes you feel ready for sexual closeness, share that information with your spouse so you can work together to make those things happen.
Make an Effort. Too often, women say ‘I’m a little tired,’ ‘I need to shower,’ or ‘It’s not a good time.’ But the couples who make an effort to make love on a regular basis, even if it’s not the perfect scenario, have more satisfying sex lives. If your husband initiates a sexual encounter, try going along with it to see where it leads you. Many women report feeling arousal after the intimacy is initiated. Of course, if it doesn’t get you in the mood, you should always feel entitled to stop but I’ve found sharing what pleases you with words and directing with guiding touches helps your husband understand more of what pleases you.
Schedule a Date Night. It’s easy to put intimacy on the back burner when you’re in a nonstop stage of life. But the only way you’re going to maintain an intimate connection with your partner is by making it a priority. Couples who schedule time to connect with each other have healthier, happier relationships. “It doesn’t have to result in lovemaking every time. But it certainly enriched your connection. It’s more about making and spending time together.
Get a babysitter and schedule a date night, or just put the kids to bed early so you can have some alone time. Take a break from your crazy work schedule to meet each other for lunch, or step away from your home to dos & projects and stay overnight at a hotel. Figure out ways you can make time for each other.
Feel Sexy. There’s no doubt that feeling sexy can boost your libido. So it’s important that you spend time doing the things that make you feel sensual, whether that’s wearing provocative outfits or lingerie, reading romance novels or erotica, or getting bendy at yoga class. The point is to focus on your needs.
Take Charge. Don’t wait for your husband to initiate sex or follow his sexual steps. Take the lead in how your sexual encounters unfold. Come in with what feels good for you, even if it’s not intercourse that night. It’s important to feel in control of your sex life and to have a voice in the relationship’s intimacy.
Redefine Intimacy. People often think sex has to be a big production with intercourse and orgasms. When in reality, what’s most important to couples, especially to many women, is to connect and be intimate. Being intimate can be as simple as talking and cuddling or affectionately touching. I have found this empowering for Chuck as well.
Ask your husband to focus on “outercourse”: touching, massaging, kissing and cuddling. And, discuss the possibility of having these types of sessions without feeling obligated to make love.
The main thing is to make having an intimate connection with your husband. Think about what makes you feel close and what you enjoy sexually. And then ask yourself how you can create that with your man.
Here at First Wives Club, we are for you & your marriage. Our goal is to support you as a wife. We recognize being a wife is likely one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but we believe you can win. You’re in the right position to do so. #firstwivesclub #FWClive

(includes references from https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/…/keep-the-spark-alive-in-y…)