Wife Spotlights share their love story & love lessons.
We are the Rodgers! I am Trina and my beloved husband of nearly 11 years is Sean Rodgers. We reside in sunny California on the outskirts of Los Angeles and have a blended family with three adult children.
Although we were both unaware at the time, our lifelong journey began in October 2009 after I posted a request for blanket donations on Facebook. Sean was a friend of a friend and he responded. Ironically, I did not know him personally although we grew up in the same area and had friends in common. A few weeks after Sean responded, we met face-to-face for the first time in the parking lot of a bowling alley near my house where he regularly bowled. He placed the blankets in the trunk of my car and before departing asked me if I knew how to bowl. I, of course, gave him an affirmative answer and that’s how it all began. Our friendship ensued and we began officially dating around six months later. In October 2010, we started a five-month marriage preparation class at my church where he frequently visited. After successfully completing the class, we knew our plan was to get married at some point so we began scouting a lot of different idea wedding locations. We both love the water so we decided to get married on a yacht. We actually secured the date before he even proposed! Moreso because there were only two available dates left on the yacht we preferred. Sean proposed to me on June 12, 2011, during church service in front of the entire congregation. Everyone went bananas, running around and jumping with excitement. Five months later we were married on the weekend following Thanksgiving. Our relationship was birthed through our willingness to help and serve others, and we continue to do so in ministry together as a married couple.
Gravitating towards oneness is a process and doesn’t happen overnight. When you say “for better or for worse” on your wedding day, you really are not anticipating the latter, but scripture clearly tells us that we do not know what tomorrow may bring. We have definitely had our share of joy and pain, and the depth of our marriage is based off of our experiences together. Oneness is a perpetual evolution, but we are committed to growing together as the seasons change.
My Wife Wisdom is: 1) Always pray first and allow God the opportunity to intercede. Many mountain-top moments are actually molehills after you pray. Also, pray together and for each other daily. The power of prayer is your absolute best defense! 2) Learn to communicate effectively. You need to speak the language that your husband can hear and receive. Be vulnerable and honest. Communication at the right time and in the right manner/tone will strengthen you and your marriage. 3) Surround yourself with healthy and successfully married couples. Community is necessary and has the propensity to fortify your marriage. 4) Be intentional about your marriage. Couples grow apart by choice. Make consistent choices that are in the best interest of your marriage.
The First Wives Club is a necessary community and truly a gem. Denise shares boatloads of helpful insight while reminding us that we are in this together. The interviews, spotlights, suggestions, relatable experiences, etc. are resources that we can tap into at any given time. In my opinion, you cannot do marriage alone so for the wives who may not have the support they desire, this community is a Godsend.
Scott and I met in middle school as we grew up about a mile away from each other. We knew each other from age 13 to age 18, but then lost touch after high school. Along came Facebook, and we reconnected there as friends around 2012. Through plentiful conversations, we found out that we had a lot in common and had crossed paths numerous times between the ages of 18 and 41 - from college, to concerts and Milwaukee events, and even where we were living at certain points in our lives. Our connection grew stronger as we talked, and we eventually started dating in 2013. We both came from broken relationships and trauma, so we took time to clear some of our baggage before getting too serious. We worked on ourselves and worked on us as a couple. Those actions really paid off! We dated for 8 years as we worked on these things and continued to be better human beings. Our goal was to be the best "me" we could be for each other. We tied the knot on September 5, 2021 and as all of our friends and family said, "It was about time."
I have three bits of wisdom to share as a wife. 1) Always remember that you and your husband ultimately share the same goals. This comes in handy when disagreements occur. 2) Never be short on compliments. Tell your husband he's handsome, and smart, and is really good at the things he does. A little sweetness goes a long way (and is often reciprocated). And 3) Always put God first in your marriage. He gave us instructions to live a fulfilled life and if we put Him first, we eliminate some of the negativity that can show up in relationships.
First Wives Club is an amazing group that puts the focus where it should be: that wives (and husbands) should be important. It's so easy to put importance on other things, to put our marriages aside while we manage careers and kids. But when we consider that our marriage should be at the forefront, then we will reach the goal of the First Wives Club, which is not to be perfect, but to grow old together through love, encouragement, support, and service to each other.
While I have over 17 years of marriage under my belt, I am still a student of love, respect, and honor. I cannot pretend to know all answers, but I can say that we must be doing something right to have made it this far. But we still have so far to go. We married young and I often say that we are growing up together. In addition to prayer and fasting, the other two elements that work for our marriage are communication and trust. If we are unable to talk our differences out (and agree to disagree sometimes), then things will fester and rot. This in turn snowballs into long term anger and can ultimately manifest itself into physical ailments. It’s important to talk and communicate even if it hurts. Trust is the second element to our marriage. My husband travels to different states for work from Monday through Friday EACH WEEK! He comes home on the weekends. That is the nature of his job. This has been our “normal” for the last 6 years. If I didn’t trust him and he didn’t trust me, this set up would not work. Giving him the space he needs to be the leader at work that he needs to be is important for us. It pays the bills!! I also have a demanding job, so having the added stress of worrying about his whereabouts and what he’s doing every hour is not beneficial to us nor is it fair for us. With trust, comes respect. I trust and respect his independence just as much as I trust and respect him as my husband. There has to be a balance.
Two Key Elements we practice daily:
Trust that we both are committed to the marriage for life, and communication to make sure we don’t leave anything to assumption. During a busy workweek, we often can go through a day’s time without talking to each other, but we do usually send a short text of encouragement to each other, which can instantly bring a smile and the understanding that someone who deeply loves us has our back. At the end of the day, a simple phone call ties everything together.
Communication is key: We are both very independent, and not at all needy, which works in this relationship. We each have our own passions that we like to pursue when home on weekends, but we are most likely together on the farm, doing those things. Although I say that, we are also interdependent on each other, and hold fast to the love and respect we share for one other. Simple gestures like stopping for a hug carry a lot of weight.
Your marriage is unique, it's different from any other marriage. Your marriage is what you make of it. I received this advice from a co-worker years ago before I was married. Her wife wisdom has been beneficial to my marriage.
I had been married for a short while, approximately two weeks, when I walked past my husband, headed for the front door and before exiting, hearing a man's voice, "hi," "where you going?" I turned around as if surprised he was even there, my response, "oh yeah," "I'm going to Walmart." "Do you wanna come?"
This was my first marriage and I definitely would have to acclimate myself to being married. The words of my coworker rang in my head. I definitely had some work to do.
I sure could have used the advice and encouragement of the First Wives Club during those first years of marriage. Nevertheless, we survived 11 years of marriage, soon-to-be 12 years March 15th.
A few things had to take place. I had to allow my husband to take his role as head of household. I have to say that again, I had to allow my husband to take his position as head of household. Yes, I had to allow him. I had been a single mother running my household for 23 years and relinquishing my position was like removing gum from the floor.
Don't share marital issues with everyone. I have a particular person I vent to where my marriage is concerned. She is the person I feel God lead me to, and here's why. My husband and I had a disagreement and I decided to call my person and share this disagreement with her, just knowing she was going to be on my side, haha. In the midst of me explaining the disagreement she calls me Valerie Clark, Clark is my maiden name. I reminded her that I was married now and no longer a Clark. She said I know, but you're still acting like a Clark. Her words stung like a bee and left me with that goofy look on my face, because I knew she was right. I was still trying to be something that I wasn't, single. I believe God gave that to her to give to me, because I was always constantly before him praying and asking him to show me how to be a wife. Which leads to my next wife wisdom, prayer.
Always keep your marriage, your spouse and yourself covered in prayer. We have an adversary who is against us and he attacks marriage on every end. Keep those ends tucked in prayer. Make it a habit of praying together as well as apart. Never stop praying. Read God's Word together, God's Word will give you direction and help you to communicate with each other. Which is my last wife wisdom.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to communicate with each other. Sit across from each other, giving each other eye contact. Give each other your undivided attention allowing no distractions. Give each other the respect of listening to what the other is saying without treating it as if it is irrelevant. What's irrelevant to me may be relevant to my spouse, therefore it's relevant to our marriage. It takes three to the build a marriage and you're in this marriage together. Ecclesiastes 4:12
We constantly pour into each other, making regular deposits of kind gestures, love text, love notes, encouraging text, date nights, intimate moments Etc. I never thought I could fall more in love with my husband, but over the years I have. He is my soul mate for life and we are foreverUs2.
Hello First Wives Club! My name is Zaakira and my husband is Jarrett Holt. I am honored to have been chosen to be in the spotlight for this month! Jarrett and I have been married for one year and five days and we currently reside in Charlotte, NC.
I originally met Jarrett at the age of 15 at The Well Church in Rock Hill, SC. I never saw him as my husband, but let him tell it I was always his wife. However, I friend zoned him for years. Fast forward to adulthood, Jarrett and I lost touch and both experienced toxic relationships. We reconnected in October of 2015 and we have been inseparable ever since. We both came to a realization that what we had gone through in our previous relationships prepared us for what we now share, and that is pure and genuine love. This is just a short version of our love story, but we definitely have a testimony to share. There are a million things I could say about my husband, but he has taught me so much. One of those lessons is having patience. Patience is a characteristic that I lack, and I didn't realize how severe it was until my husband pointed it out. He is so mellow and balances me out so well. I'm saying all that to say, don't miss the important moments with your spouse by always jumping the gun, be patient and enjoy the moments you share together.
I was invited to the First Wives Club by my good friend Wilfrida Lugg and I am enjoying this network of beautiful women. Joining this network has been a great investment in my marriage thus far as I apply the wisdom that is shared to my marriage daily. My goal is to be a better wife. I have moments where I feel like a "not so good wife" but then I'll see an encouraging post in the group and decide to start over and try again. I Love being a part of The First Wives Club.
Hi! my name is Shelley. I’m from Tall Timbers, MD, and the giant I am kissing in the picture is my husband, James. This is actually a picture taken during one of the first trips we took when we started dating in college. It hangs in our bedroom, and it is one of the first pictures he put up when we moved.
We have known each other for 28 years, been together for 18 years, married for 13. We have two beautiful children together (a 7-year-old boy and an almost 3-year-old girl). I was once taller than he was and have the pictures buried somewhere to prove it. The first time we met, we were 11 and 12. Our aunts were-and are still-best friends, and they lived together in the same house. Today, they live on the same street in Florida. The shared history of our childhoods often makes our adult lives easier and harder simultaneously. Easy because we practically knew the same people growing up, hard because if one of us screws up on one side of the family, it trickles down to the other side of the family. but I do know that we are loved, and we have a huge support system.
I guess my “wife wisdom” would be: marry someone who fills in your gaps and supports you. Where he has his head in the clouds, I am the one following behind with the string going “yes, but how is this going to…” where I freak out, he steps in and is the calm one. He supported me being a stay at home mom and encouraged me to become a freelance editor because he knew I would be unhappy if I couldn’t help support us. I, in turn, support him when he goes to comic cons and book fests to sell his books and comics. When I work at night, he takes over the kids, and he is a great dad. We both think each other’s families are crazy, but it works.
Thoughts on first wives club: it’s a great resource to have. We should use this platform to support and encourage each other.
Martin and I have been together for 27 years and will celebrate 22 years of marriage on October 24th. We live in Charlotte, NC. with our 3 beautiful daughters, Corinna 25, Courtney 20, and Morgan 16. Martin and I met at work. I worked first shift and he was a supervisor on 2nd shift. He was different than any other guy I had dated and certainly, on the surface was not my type. He was a gainfully employed nerd. Vastly different from the flashy "Bad Boy" type I was typically attracted to. Dude had the audacity to get my number right before going out on vacation, but did not call me for a week. (rolling eyes) For our first date, we went to see the movie CB-4. When he picked me up, he opened the car door for me and throughout the entire night he held doors open for me. I was smitten! But, when I saw how respectful he was towards the women in his family and how he revered them all, that was it! I was in Love!! I had kissed a few frogs and then God blessed me with a prince. LOL!!
"Wife Wisdom" - Early on in our relationship, when it was understood that we would be exclusive, we established ground rules and shared what each of our deal breakers are that would cause the relationship to end. This conversation would be the first of many for us on Ground Rules & Deal Breakers. Of course, once we got married and started a family, we revisited the conversation. Such as life happens, growth and circumstance can cause things to shift, we are committed to the marriage and to each other. Setting Ground Rules & Deal Breakers set clear expectations and is what started the blueprint to us being successful in our marriage. As we are getting older and wiser, I'm sure we will revisit the conversation again. ;)
First Wives Club - Being apart of the First Wives Club is essential to any bride. Whether you're young or old, from Newlyweds to veterans, FWC is the vessel that allows us to fellowship with women from varying backgrounds, but with similar values. It is critical to have a support system of like minded women who we can learn from to level up, lean on when times are tough, and celebrate each other's successes.
The I'm the Good Thing book is dedicated to this beautiful couple. Here is that the excerpt: "I lovingly dedicate this book to Rev. Lyte & Sis Lyte. To most they are Rev. James Lyte & Rev. Weneva Lyte but to us they are love. They are our forever lifelines. We are here – together, celebrating 25 years of marriage at the time of this publication because of them. They came into our lives around year 2 of marriage and they tarried with us nearly daily. They invested so much in us. We were young, in age, experience and marriage and they planted so many seeds of wisdom and they loved us beyond measure. We are forever grateful for them. They are our girls’ Godparents. Sis. Lyte was right by my side as our daughters were born. She is a life mentor for me. She’s coached me through so many things, including marriage. In fact, I birthed the First Wives Club out of reflecting on my time & experience with her. Both she & Rev. Lyte are present in our lives and always have been. God knew exactly what we needed when He brought them into our lives. We are eternally grateful for them with hearts full of love."
I asked them what was their Marriage Wisdom and they kept it simple: "As we live love and laugh... we are no longer two but ONE"
We still laugh about how we met. While it wouldn't be untraditional today, 19 years ago it was very unique to find someone online....and unintentionally at that. We met on BlackPlanet May 2001. I wasn't even looking for a relationship because I already had one. I would just look and comment on interesting pages, both men and women. Sometimes you chat about common interests. That how we connected.
I was starting grad school summer 2001 and he was already in grad school. But the more we talked, through email at that because texting was not a thing, we found that we had a lot more in common and couldn't wait to read each other's email responses. We finally met in person 2-3 weeks later and we've been two peas in a pod ever since.
Our marriage is built on true friendship. I can honestly say that he's my best friend. And because we didn't get married to have kids or get a big house or any other superficial reason, our friendship has been able to sustain us as we've tackled life's challenges. But thankfully we have way more great times than bad. As we say, we make basic stuff look baller! We can make a trip to Kansas City look as amazing as a trip to the Bahamas because we find genuine joy in each other's company making memories. We just celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary May 30, 2020 and currently reside in Memphis, TN.
The wisdom I'd like to share is to make your marriage your own. I had great examples in my parents and elder family members but I realized early on that I had to also make adjustments based on who WE were and that's ok. Take the positives from the examples around you and make adjustments over time. Neither of you will be the same person you were in year 1, 5, or 10. As you both change and grow, have honest and open discusses so that you both always remain on the same page.
What I love about the First Wives Club is that it's a group on women with the same goal as me.....to grow and strengthen myself and my relationship. Sometimes your friend group doesn't reflect where you are as a married women. And that's okay but it's great to have a group that can relate to where you are.
Marvin was my high school sweetheart. We was formally introduced in 1998 by a mutual friend when I asked to tag along with them to Mill Road Movie Theater in Milwaukee, WI for the premier of the movie Belly. At some point, he eased his arm around my shoulders during the movie and after dropping me off at home, he walked me to the door and asked for my telephone number. Initially, I wasn't interested in a relationship, but let me tell you that man won me over!! After four and a half years of dating, there was no doubt in my mind that he was the ONE, when I became his June bride.
As much as we loved each other, getting married at such a young age came with more challenges than I could have imagined. Premarital counseling shed light on many issues that I hadn't really considered in our dating relationship such as credit scores, childhood upbringings and love languages. Needless to say, the first few years of marriage was probably the most challenging because we both had to do some growing up ourselves and figure out how to transition into becoming one. He came from a two-parent household and I was raised by a single mom, so there was a whole lot to figure out in order to make things work.
Despite our differences, we were both raised in Christian households and through the good and the bad times our faith in Jesus Christ and unconditional love for one another is the foundation for this marriage. From this union, we have two beautiful children, ages 11 and 8 who have been an extension of our love for each other. What helps us to stay connected is we have always continued to date and put each other first.He still makes me feel special by opening car doors, holding my hand and making sure that my gas tank is full, so I don't have to pump gas. I chuckle at the fact that I have to keep reminding our "daddy's girl" Marlee that Marvin may be your daddy, but let's be clear...that's my MAN. After all these years, he makes me laugh often and he's my best friend until I take my last breath.
The First Wives Club, for me, has been a place where I can come and check myself to see if I have been missing the mark as a wife, be transparent with other wives who can relate and offer insight to those who may be dealing with similar challenges that I have overcome in my own marriage. I am grateful to have access to like-minded women from all walks of life who also desire to succeed in their marriages.
Joe and I met March 1998. We worked for the same company. Joe was an over the road truck driver and I worked inside the office. Although I didn't believe in dating co workers it was something about Joe that I liked and was attracted to! So our story began! We dated for two years and married July 28, 2000. We had a beautiful wedding. We were happy love birds and decided to move to the Burlington NJ area were we currently reside.
We experienced so much in the first five years, how to manage our emotions, finances, always working, credit, children, etc; and that wasn't an easy task. As we began to look at ourselves we realized that we love each other, but we are going to have to put in the work to make our marriage last and that's what we did. We had to find the balance in our daily lives and we vowed to communicate with each other and be receptive to feedback. What helped us along our journey was being transparent and the willingness to do the work.
As I look back from where we started I'm proud of us! We still have love in our hearts for each other and we have grown from our mistakes. We continue to work to be better people individually and we believe in God and the power of prayer. We just celebrated 20 years of marriage and I'm looking forward to another 20!
I'm excited to be member of the First Wives Club as I truly believe no matter how long you've been married or in a relationship you can learn and relate to the awesome women who share their comments and stories. Often times I read comments and say " yup that's me" ...LOL
From the moment our paths crossed in October 1988 our lives literally changed forever. What seemed like a chance encounter between Tim and I was in fact the absolute beginning of our story, our history and our marital journey. We fell in love, we were extremely happy, and at the start of our relationship we were inseparable. From that first moment until now, we’ve shared 32 years of our lives together. Twenty of which we’ve been married for. We reside in Milwaukee, WI with our family and operate a consulting business. Overall, I’d say that we are truly blessed.
Having lived and spent more than half of our lives together, I can honestly say that we’ve had our share of challenges. We were quite young when we had gotten together and there were so many things that we needed to learn. As life continued to move forward for us and we began to settle into our marriage, we both knew that there were some things that needed to change in order for our union to flourish. We then began to talk with God and read His Word to learn what we needed to do. We began to include Him in every major aspect of our lives. We would pray separately for one another as well as pray together daily. We started communicating more effectively and became more patient, attentive and forgiving towards one another. We learned each other’s love languages and incorporated date night into our weekly rotation. We also began attending couple’s counseling sessions which helped us tremendously.
What we also came to realize is that everything that we were going through in our marriage, whether good or bad was a part of our life’s story and that these experiences are what make our story unique from anyone else’s. Today, I can unequivocally say that after so many years as husband and wife, I really understand, respect and appreciate our life together. Our story has a lot of significance to who we were in our past as well as speaks volumes as to who we are now in our present. We cherish our story because of the history and the substance of what our story has been built from. Our journey hasn’t always been smooth but what has always been constant and clear in our marriage is our love for one another. We began to envision what we wanted our marriage to look like and what it should be. We’ve learned to embrace that vision wholeheartedly and to take the necessary steps toward making that vision our reality. We continue to put the work in and allow our marriage to evolve into what God has intended for it to be. We are committed to creating the perfect marriage just for us. We’re definitely excited to continue our marital journey and to create more history to include to our amazing, beautiful and unique story.
What I value and appreciate most about the First Wives Club is the support, transparency, encouragement and real conversations from so many amazing women. I love the topics that are discussed and the strength of the women that are a part of the group. I love that the women are so open to learn from and share with other women. I value the sisterhood and the connection that is being developed. This group is what we all need to help us to become better partners and better wives for our husbands.
I knew that Jono was the one for me when I found out that he had good credit! LOL! That might sound funny, but for me that symbolized honesty, loyalty and integrity. Jono’s integrity was tested when he showed up at my house on a Friday night to help me paint my living room. His kind gesture was something that several others had promised but did not follow through. He truly won me over. Jono is a man of his word which is something that I still adore about him to this day.
We currently reside in Charlotte, NC and have been married two years. Jono and I met in May of 1999 at a dear friend’s house. We did not date exclusively until March of 2007 simply because the timing was not right for us.
We got engaged in July 2017 and we married on August 18, 2018. We took and unconventional route to marriage because initially we were at a point of lust, so we waited for love true love. The first three years of our dating relationship was pure bliss, but over the next several years the real Tonya and Jono surfaced. There were days when we liked one another and days where we did not. There were many days that I wanted to call it quits, but I would always hear Joyce Meyer say, “everybody has faults but try to meditate on the good things; and stop quitting in difficult situations.” When I did that, I realized that the good outweighed the bad and this was a relationship that I should continue to pursue.
My “Wife Wisdom” is do not try to resolve issues when you’re upset because chances are, you will say or do something that you will later regret and cannot take back. Next, I would say listen, listen, and listen. It is important that you understand what your spouse is saying to you before you offer a rebuttal or become defensive. If you listen, paraphrase what you have heard and offer validation, you might be able to resolve said issues because you now have a clear understanding of what your spouse is trying to say to you. Next, have a regularly scheduled date night. We often get caught up with life and we forget to enjoy our spouses with the much-needed quality time. Last, but certainly not least, be respectful of one another. Learn to embrace your differences and be open to change because change is inevitable for a successful marriage.
I love Denise and The First Wives club. This group is a breath of fresh air for married women. Denise provides us with and wealth of knowledge and wisdom regarding how to have and maintain a healthy marriage. She spends countless hours making sure that we are the best wives that we can possibly be. I look forward to being more active and doing more with the group whenever the pandemic is over. Denise thank you for this opportunity and for all that you pour into us as wives.
My name is Sanobia Herd and I have been married to Derek Herd for 21 years. We currently reside in Centerville, OH.
Derek and I were High School Sweethearts (graduated June 1991). I know that's an anomaly and many question "How does THAT happen?" To be honest, I'm not sure. I am a true extrovert and Derek is an introvert, but he made the first move, LOL! At that time, I was going 1,000 miles per minute. He was about 50 miles per minute. He wasn't going at my pace, but he was cute and very intelligent (I'm sort of a sapiosexual).
We have always had the type of relationship where it's been extremely easy for us to communicate with one another. I felt a calmness in him. I was surprised that he was the same age as I was, but the conversations that I could hold with him were the same caliber and quality (if not better) than the older guys I had dated (yes, I was the type of female that dated guys at least 2-3 years older than I was). We have been apart from one another more times than I can count due to College & jobs), but those barriers never lasted and our hearts never allowed us to be apart too long.
We were engaged Summer of 1997 and Married March 20, 1999. Derek wanted to make sure he had the "right" job/ career and could truly provide for a Family before he proposed to me. Derek values Family and those he loves. When I realized that, I knew that I had to be a part of his world. Granted, no one is perfect and we have had to work through our flaws and hurdles. He loves me no matter how difficult I could be. I say COULD because in these 21 years, I have grown....WE have grown together, but NEVER apart.
Always have patience with your Husband and openly communicate with him(no matter unpleasant the subject).
In the midst of your Husband's storms, be his peace and support. VERBALLY REITERATE you are there for him and reaffirm your love. Men LOVE to hear they're loved too.
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The First Wives Club is much needed!! I don't have alot of Married friends and it's refreshing to have a venue/ outlet where there are Women (Wives) that understand our issues. and can provide support as well. Denise and I share similar point of views and I am ecstatic that I have connect with this group/ page.
Allow me to introduce you to the Stewarts, Carl and Tami. We currently reside in Concord, NC and have been married for 2 years. While this is not my first marriage, Carl has never been married before and has no biological children. I have a 20 year old son from my previous marriage.
We have more of a testimony about trusting and believing in the Lord’s will for your life than the typical boy meets girl story. Carl and I worked in different departments for the same airline. For at least 4 years, Carl needed to come to my office at least 3 times a week to turn in paperwork. The last 2 of those years, I noticed he started dropping hints about going to dinner or doing a day trip. Each time I just ignored it or laughed it off saying, “yeah ok...”
You see, I had absolutely no interest in dating. In fact, because my son was only 7 years old when I first separated, I chose not to date for the next 10 years. My focus was primarily on raising him, working and becoming an entrepreneur on the side.
Fast forward to 2017. This was the year “I” thought I was ready to date. So I began accepting dates from men that had been asking me out. The problem was that just before each date they all canceled and for good reasons I might add.
It wasn’t until one night in October of 2017 that I understood the real reason why all of those dates canceled. During a women’s reflect event at church we were asked to close our eyes and take a moment to listen to what the Lord had to tell us. I clearly heard the Lord say “ I am not going to let anyone come into your life until you fully understand my love for you.” I said, “what Lord?” He repeated that same message.
Without hesitation I raised my hands and said “okay Lord in obedience I submit my will for yours. Let your will be done in my life.” I never gave dating another thought. That wasn’t the case with Carl Stewart though. Remember for 2 years he had already been dropping hints about taking me out on a date. I guess by February of 2018 he had decided to stop hinting and wanted to make a bold statement.
On Valentine’s Day, Carl entered my office with a teddy bear sitting on a heart shaped box, holding a little heart shaped box of candy and a single red rose with a Valentine’s card. I was surprised, shocked, amazed, confused and grateful all at the same time.
Before he left my office he said “you know I am still trying to take you out to dinner.” I quickly wrote my number down and gave it to him, but in the back of my mind I thought it wasn’t going to happen anyway because of the message the Lord had given me back in October. However, the Lord did allow this one to happen.
We had our first date 10 days later and I have to admit it turned out to be one of the best dates I had ever been on. There was a second, a third, so fourth and so on. For the first couple months things seemed to move along effortlessly.
In April I told him about my testimony from the women’s reflect event. He sat looking stunned for a minute and then said “wow you will never believe this. For the past 2 years I have been praying and crying out to the Lord asking him to send me the woman that is suppose to be my wife. Let her know the Lord and let her be obedient. The Lord kept showing me your face.” Then there I sat very still looking stunned....
First date 2/24/18. Wedding date 11/3/18. I went from not even thinking about a man in January to married 10 months later. It was all about His will, His plan and His timing. We just have to be obedient and trust and believe in Him.
"Be or do whatever it is that you desire from your spouse, to your spouse. Eventually it will be reciprocated."
"Always try to listen to your spouse for understanding instead of listening to respond. Be sure to respectfully agree to disagree in conversations where your opinions may differ."
FIRST WIVES CLUB
I love the fact that The First Wives Club provides a platform to enlighten, enrich, educate, encourage and connect such a diverse community of wives through daily interaction. The content provided is engaging and helpful for wives regardless of their age or the stage of marriage they are in. On any given day I appreciate getting the “uncut” version of a story or scenario that I am sure many women can identify with. Sometimes women need to know they are not alone. Through trials, triumphs, celebrations and sadness we can count on The First Wives Club to help navigate us through it all.
JR and I are have known each other since middle school but I could not stand him, lol Fun fact...almost most of his family on his mother's side lives in my neighborhood. The summer before my sophomore year in college I went to a graduation party on a Friday night in my hometown. I was on the dance floor and JR started dancing with me. I thought why is he dancing with me, I don't even like him. The next night I went to another graduation party and he showed up again and that is when he asked me out. I thought I might as well since I was home for the summer, let's just say the summer never ended and here we are almost 19 years later. Because we have been together since our early 20's, we have literally experienced everything in adulthood together. We are the founders of the Melanated Exchange Market, a monthly market held for black owned businesses to showcase their goods and services. Growing together and being able to accomplish our goals together has been an amazing feeling. Excited to see what the future holds.
Wife Wisdom: Marriage is a like a plant, it needs to be watered, loved and nurtured to grow. Marriage is hard work but it is also very rewarding, it feels great to go through this thing called life with someone who loves and accepts you for who you are.
First Wives Club: I love First Wives Club because its good to be in a community of women to support you and understand the issues that you may through.
The story of our union of 26 years and counting began with a mutual best friend, a heated debate, and supreme divine timing.
Keith and I knew almost everything about each other before we even met! My best friend from high school, Holmes Smith, became Keith's college roommate at South Carolina State University. Holmes would always share stories about me with Keith, he talked a lot about Keith with me when he would come home to visit me in Columbia where I attended the University of South Carolina.
There were even times during our college years that Holmes tried to arrange for me and Keith to meet, but something would come up every single time, usually at the very last minute. (Keith says that these delays were divine, because during those times, he was involved with someone else, so the timing would have been off.) So for years, Keith and I knew each other through Holmes' colorful stories and our occasional hellos when I would call their house in Orangeburg to speak to Holmes.
Things shifted during one of these calls, however, when a conversation that I was having with another friend turned into a heated debate. Keith hopped on the phone to quell the argument. Not only did he manage to bring me calm, we wound up having an incredibly stimulating conversation that lasted until the sun came up the next morning and left us both ready for more.
A week or so later, I wound up going to visit Holmes in Orangeburg. While we had been planning this trip for a while, it felt different after my continued conversations with Keith! This was no longer just a visit to see my brother, so I ditched my sweats and sneakers and planned a shopping trip with a girlfriend to be sure that I looked my best.
I still remember pulling up and seeing him standing outside next to his car dressed in black. Whew! Our attraction was magnetic, almost tangible. We smiled at each other, and the connection was cemented. We've been together ever since that weekend.
I'm happy to share that this same spark still lives today. We are the proud parents of three young adult children: our two sons Kam, 25; Korey, 23; and our daughter Karisi,19.
On October 15th, of this year my husband and I would have been married for 9 years. I honestly never saw it coming. We actually met at work. I’ve always been against dating someone from work. When I started at that job I was in a serious relationship and engaged to someone else. For the first year of working there I barely even noticed Orren. It wasn’t until I left my ex and started seeing Orren around town outside of work that I thought he would be cool to hang out with. Initially, we were just friends. I had no interest in him outside of being friends. We’d chat at work, work out at the gym after work, and kee kee after that. Eventually, our friendship grew into a relationship. Which scared me a little because not only was he nothing like the type of guys I was used to, but I valued our friendship. However, it just felt right.
From the beginning, Orren jumped in and took weights off my shoulder left and right. I was working full time, a single mother of an elementary school child, and just started going back to school. He watched Kaiheli so I can go to school at night. He took over homework duty. ( which he does to this day) He understood that I was a package deal and my son loved him. It’s like Orren was the missing puzzle piece to our lives.
11 years later and we are still friends in addition to being married. I think because we started out with a true friendship is why our relationship has been so easy. I see all the issues people have in their relationships and honestly, we’ve never had that. I can’t stay mad at him for longer than a few hours and we talk everything out. We’ve both grown so much since the beginning and even through our individual growth we love who we’ve grown to be. We encourage either other and we are cheerleaders for each other.
Orren’s my favorite person travel with, cut up with, and just spend time around. I’m the most comfortable to just be myself with him. My best friend always say we need a show because we are the house cutting up all the time, laughing telling jokes. (roasting each other, lol)
My Wife Wisdom is to be with the person you are compatible with. Marriage shouldn’t feel like work. As you get older you both will change, Can you survive life’s ups and downs with this person and still like them at the end of the day? I said like, not love. Like is what’s left after the honeymoon phase. Because you can love someone and not like who they are.
The First Wives Club is a safe space to have discussions about marriage with other like-minded individuals. If you have a question or just want to talk it out, know that someone in there understands where you are coming from and can give viable feedback.
David Jr. & Savella McLaurin met in 2005 on blackpeoplemeet.com. Married July 31, 2010. Reside in Milwaukee, WI. Blended family with 5 kids ranging from 22 years old to 30 years old. My Wife Wisdom is to Communicate with your husband and to tell him exactly what you think, feel, need, etc. Also, to never go to bed angry and to be willing to apologize first.
The First Wives Club is a valuable asset to us wives. Denise makes every effort to keep us informed and up to date on topics we need to know about and resources that are available to us!
We met on Tagged.com (Social Media Site) in May, 2009. We were married September 10, 2011. We currently reside in Mint Hill, North Carolina. We are a blended family with Five (5) Daughters and one Son. We have six biological grand children and 6 additional grand children that we love as our own.
Jesse (Jay) and I met on a Social Media Site called Tagged.com in 2009. Jesse reached out to me for a Meet and Greet on day in May of 2009. Now we had not had much on-line interactions with each other, but for some reason, I felt inclined to accept his invitation. I was frantic once I realized what I had done, but it was too late to back out now. We met at Hickory Tavern in Charlotte, NC on May 8, 2009, and have never looked back.
We have gone through some challenging times, especially the first two years, but giving up was not an option (his famous words). The 1st two years were ROCKY, as we had to learn one another’s Love Language, or in better terms learn how to communicate with one another. We would misinterpret the intent of each other’s statements. As a woman, I would analyze what he said and turn it to something negative, however, his intent was not what I received from his statements. The same for him, he would misunderstand my statements or intentions, as he was interpreting my actions, based upon his past experiences with other mates from the past. After several premarital counseling sessions with our then Pastor, Milton Alexander Williams, Jr., we finally sat down together and had a peaceful conversation. We learned that day, that we should always ask our mate, what their statement means at that moment. Never assume you know what was meant in a disagreement, always clarify and allow your mate to explain what they meant by any statement that offends or hurts you.
On April 9, 2011, Jesse “Jay” proposed to me at my cousin’s 50th Birthday Party. I was THRILLED, SHOCKED and SCARED all at the same time. I immediately, took off running across the room away from him. Once my heart stopped beating out of my Chest, I said Yes. He only gave me 6 months to plan a Wedding. We were married on September 10, 2011; and we currently reside in Mint Hill, North Carolina. We have managed to move forward since 9/10/11 without one argument. Jesse “Jay” Alston, is truly my Best Friend. We are at that point in our marriage that we complete each other’s thoughts and sentences. It is kind of weird and also confirming that we are on the same page. I firmly believe that God sent my husband to me as he knew that my husband would be a Breath of Fresh air for me at this time in my life. It was a journey to get here, but we’ve made it.
Marital Wisdom: My marital Wisdom would be “Don’t provoke your mates’ insecurities”. Always keep God First in your marriage and keep family on the outside of your marriage. Do not run to your family when problems arise, talk it out with your mate. Once you allow your family into your marital issues, they are not as forgiving as you are. Throughout our relationship, my husbands, falls on his knees whenever there’s angst in his heart and he ask God, what do you want me to do. You gave her to me, now what do I need to do to keep her. Always keep pray in your marriage, it works.
First Wives Club: I love the First Wives Club. It’s a much needed opportunity for wives to interact with other wives and know that they are not alone. We often believe that its just our issues, however, First Wives Club allows you to vent and to also see that its a cycle in marriages that most go through. It allows you to see that you are normal. I love being apart of this Group and look forward to the future progress of the First Wives Club.
Richie and I met about ten years ago at a family gathering. He is one of my brother's really good friends so he was always at our family gatherings. Not really looking for a relationship, neither one us even saw a friendship brewing.
It wasn’t until May of 2016 that we actually noticed one another. I was still healing from a prior divorce so our attraction was put on hold as I didn’t want to hurt him as I was still trying to heal. Two years later in May of 2018 at another family event, our attraction was evident and we decided to go on ONE date. Well needless to say that we are still on that date and now enjoying life together! We exchanged our marriage vows privately on October 23, 2018 and publicly with our family and friends on June 1,2019. So now we celebrate both dates. We currently reside in Gastonia, NC as we continue to enjoy life together.
My wife wisdom: "Be in a perfect love triangle where God is the point at the top and you are both the points on each sides". You both should always know, understand and respect the importance of your roles in your marriage and know that you both are accountable for how your marriage turns out. Also, know that only God can fix what He’s put together, so don’t go into or be in your marriage trying to fix the other person.
I really enjoy being a part of the First Wives Club!!!! It’s real life questions, advice, guidance and TRANSPARENCY!!! It’s a sisterhood that want to see you win in your marriage. It gives you support and accountability. My biggest takeaway to date is realizing that I am the his “GOOD THING” and YES my husband chose right when he chose me! The women who participate are really helping!!!
We are Jason and Sanpri Porter. We met freshmen year of college in 1999 at Georgia Southern University. On November 15 we will celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary. During our union we have created 3 beautiful kids, David, Thaddeus, and Nadiyah. We currently reside in Monroe, NC, right outside Charlotte, and we've been in the area for 16 years.
My wife wisdom: Go with the flow! If the current changes paths ride the wave fearlessly together. Over the last 22 years together, 16 married almost, our relationship has had its fair share of ups and downs...we have lost many friends and family members, faced having a sick child, miscarriage, financial losses. But we have learned that we are resourceful and we do what is necessary to bounce back. I have suffered from anxiety most of my life and my husband calms me, helps me to be more rational about things. I think that I have helped him see things from an emotional perspective and not purely objective...because sometimes feelings are more important. We are truly the "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade couple" We once thought we were total opposites, but we just compliment each other.
I enjoy the First Wives' Club. The topics are simply structured yet introspective. It feels like a safe space. I enjoy being able to open up about tough subjects. Thank you Denise for this platform.